Day 123: Signs

I was sitting here in my little Writing Haven and I happened to look over at a little chest I have and there was a little sign that I’d cut out of a box that something came in and it was like seeing it for the very first time.  It simply says, “Be the energy you want to attract”.  I started thinking about it and my energy has been pretty lackluster lately.  Part of it has to do with the fact that I have been mysteriously fatigued for a few months…I’m hoping that my neurologist can pinpoint something in my sleep study that will explain it so it can be fixed even if it involves a CPAP machine.  But how can I expect to create and manifest my desires if my energy is not up to par?  I’m talking about physical and mental energy.  I’m not really putting much out into the universe so can I receive anything back from it?  I’m working on manifesting my desires and reality but I think that if I could up my physical energy then I could also increase my mental energy.  We can’t expect a garden to produce if we don’t plant good seeds and then water and fertilize them.  I want my garden to grow so I am going to concentrate on my mental energy until I hear from my neurologist.  I have done everything to feel better physically.  My blood work is fine aside from very slight anemia…we’re talking 1 point below the norm.  My diabetes is completely under control.  From the outside, I look fine but I’m not.  I put on my “I’m okay” face every single day and that is also draining my energy.  My neurologist was so very concerned about my demeanor at my last 2 appointments.  He told me that he is so used to my bubbly, talkative personality that it just really bothers him that I’m now lethargic and definitely less than bubbly.  I tested positive for Epstein Barr a few years ago and wondered if this is a major flare up but two different doctors told me that since I was diagnosed with the virus it is always going to show if I’m tested for it so there’s no point in testing.  If there’s nothing in my sleep study, I am going to find a specialist and get their input.  I want to put a ton of energy out there but how can I when I have next to zero to spare?  This isn’t exactly where I planned to go with this post but if you’d read enough of my past writings, you know that I’m a stream of consciousness kind of writer.  I just go where my mind wants to lead me.  And I did stay home from work today because I felt even worse than usual so I guess it was on my mind even though I hadn’t acknowledged it.  I just want to feel good again and have some energy to spare for the universe.  Thanks for reading and letting me ramble.  I’m going to go take care of my stray and feral critters before it gets dark.  I came home around 7:30 one night last week and there was a raccoon so large that I thought it was out Blue Heeler at first.  Then I saw the mask.  I’d rather not come face to face with that critter.  Take care and keep being the energy that you want to attract.  It can work miracles!    

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