Day 45: Ruminating

Ruminating…to think deeply about something.  Over the last few months, I have been ruminating about my writing.  Am I any good?  Will others like my writing?  Can I fit it into my life and give it as much time as I’d like to…as I need to?  Do I have the tools within myself to make my dreams a reality?  Am I going to let my Inner Critic win or will my Inner Wise Self finally shut it up?  First, I am good and others do like my fiction and poetry.  Second, I have to fit it into my life…I have no choice because this is something that my soul desires to the point that it can’t rest until I give it my all.  Third, I have all of the tools…I might not have mastered them yet, but I will.  Fourth, my Inner Wise Self is growing stronger every single day…it’s already drowning out some of my Inner Critic’s bullshit.  My IC seems to become more vocal with each bit of progress I make so I’ve come to understand that it is afraid that I will stop listening to its lies one day.  And I will.  My dear friends in ROW have been very positive about my writing and are pushing me gently forward.  They also will give a little tough love when I need it.  Our Retreat, as SARK calls our 5-hour ZOOM meetings, yesterday was probably the most rewarding day that I’ve experienced in a long time.  Not because of the praise for my writing and abilities but because these people are so insightful and such talented and brilliant writers that I am learning so much that cannot be taught in writing books or academic classes alone.  And yesterday, I really soaked it all in and internalized it.  There was a shift inside me regarding my writing that I cannot even begin to put into words.  There is this feeling of expansiveness and wholeness that just overwhelms me when I try to verbalize it.  I think that there is going to be a real shift in my writing as well.  And, it’s about time because I’ve been dragging my feet for so long.  I am extremely excited to move into this next phase because I think it’s going to be awesome!  I will keep you updated.

“The art of writing is discovering what you believe.” ~ Gustave Flaubert              

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